Monday Morning Coffee 5/5/2025
GGGGgggggrrrRRRRRrPPPPPHGHHHHHTTTT- Yawn, stretch, scratch, repeat- let’s have some coffee!
I feel like I need to fill you in on the technique it takes to type out a yawn. I could just type the word “yawn”, or maybe type it in all caps to capture intensity, but not me. I do the work. The word yawn is of course onomatopoeic, but it barely qualifies, and if I’m going to express a yawn accurately I want to go in and capture the full range of sounds and textures expressed in a true morning wake up yawn. I’ll reserve the word “yawn” for polite midday bored-in-a-work-meeting yawns. My morning yawns make me break a sweat.
This all reminds me that my grandmother used to literally say the words “boo hoo” when she was crying. My siblings, cousins and I discovered this because it was we who made her cry. I don’t remember what we did, but we had all been called in from playing outside and were awaiting punishment when she left the room and started crying, and from the other room we heard “boo hoo, boo hoo hoo” and we all started looking at each other trying to keep a straight face, knowing that laughter would likely result in a death sentence. You may think this was an act she put on to shame us kids for hurting her feelings, but no, and unfortunately we had several other occasions to hear her cry with the same sound effects. I can only imagine this is a quirk she picked up as a child after someone told her “boo hoo” is the sound of crying. My grandmother was a very gracious, loving and sweet-natured person, so I can only imagine the crimes against humanity we committed to cause her such pain.
But I digress.
To type out a yawn you usually want to start with a consonant. You can start with a Y (YYYYeerrrrrPPPPHhhhTTTT) but that’s almost too on the nose. Careful analysis of my own morning yawns reveals that they tend to start with guttural consonants rather than soft vowels, thus the “GGGGgggggrrrRRRRRrPPPPPHGHHHHHTTTT” above. GGGGgggggrrrRRRRRrPPPPPHGHHHHHTTTT also demonstrates the proper structure of a yawn, starting with a moment of intensity, then an elongated stretch of consonant and vowel sounds, building to a crescendo of hard consonants and almost a glottal stop. The letters G and H often capture the sounds of a clenched mouth as air is forced between the teeth and lips, followed by R sounds as the mouth relaxes a bit. I could use an F I suppose to build tension leading up to the hard stop, but PH more accurately captures the sound of hissing air being forced out to a dramatic hard T, or sometimes a G again.
So next time you open Monday Morning Coffee and you are tempted to think I just lean on my keyboard to kick it off, think again. It takes work and research to type “PPPPPhhhhhhhuuuurrrrgggGGGGGGHHHHHTTTT!!!”" and all because I care about you the reader.
How was your week? Mine was ok. My fishing trip was cancelled, which allowed me to make major progress on my deck project, getting the removed siding replaced on the house and a coat of paint on it. Spring storms rolled through Saturday, delaying progress, but Sunday after it dried out a bit I got work on the deck structure done and ready to put the new deck boards back on.
Friday I drove up to the mountains to work on one of my favorite jobs, a vacation cabin on Lake Seed in the Georgia mountains. It’s an impoundment of the Tallulah River and it holds giant bass and trout. I had to work on the boathouse and watch big bluegills and some 5-8 pound bass swimming around the docks. We used to take our kayaks up there on a Sunday and I’d fish while Marsha napped in the sun, but then we got horses.
Storms forced me to take a short day Friday, but it’s a big job and I intend to pack a flyrod on one of the return trips. I may even pack a small cooler and ice. I love bluegills and haven’t had a meal of them in years. Haven’t had a good fish fry of fish I caught myself in years, and I miss it. Bluegill filets rank up there with just about any fish you can name, fresh- or saltwater.
The nice thing about the storm front that just rolled through is a return to crisp nights, cooler days, and comfortable humidity that should last most of the week. It has been a very warm spring here. The summers are hot and miserable enough without the humidity and warmth starting three weeks early. Any break in the weather is very welcome news, so I’m going to do my best to enjoy it.
As I mentioned last week, I backed out of going to Michigan for Camp Turk n Trout. My friends are up there right now as I write this, scratching on turkey calls and straining to hear some thunder. I hear the fish are actually feeding topwater this weekend. I can see from the pics it’s chilly, as Tom is wearing a puffy jacket while he hunts, and he’s a Minnesota boy. I’ll go next year. Just too much on the plate this year. Tom says the turkeys are quiet, and I suspect these passing fronts have put them off. I bet this is the morning, and I’m predicting two birds hit the ground today. I may have mentioned this before, but a couple years ago these guys killed a tom in the morning, tied a Hendrickson fly with the feathers, caught trout in the evening, and dined on turkey and trout in camp. That’s some real outdoorsmen right there, and I’m proud to call them my friends.
The deck will be finished this week, which will allow me to focus more on the garden and fishing. May is the month for both, before the heat of summer kicks in. I desperately need to finish tying flies for my paid subscribers (sorry guys, they’re almost done) and I’m a bit overdue to organize my outdoor gear. I feel like I’m starting to wander a bit, so I’ll end it right here. I hope you have a good week.
Next time you read this column just remember the work that goes into FFFFFFLLLLLeeeerRRrPPHHTTT!
My coffee is done and it’s time to go to work.
Let’s get after it.
This put such a smile on my face - the discussion of the nuance of "yawn" and "boo hoo", then the nostalgia of a blue gill fish fry...great start to my Monday morning.